Living with an unanswered question
“Surgeons like to cut on fat babies!” That’s what one of her five doctors said. Our daughter Abbey, now three months old, is almost completely reliant on a feeding tube and pump. Pediatric specialists have filled our bedroom with medical equipment that will ensure her growth, in order that they may perform open chest surgery this fall to remove part of her lung and a mass therein. This has been anything but the idyllic experience of having a daughter for which I have waited many years.
There have been times in my life, and in all of our lives, when we are forced to live with a question that has no answer. Why God? Why did this happen to me? It’s like a question mark gets stamped on your soul, and you have to walk around with it there. It’s horribly uncomfortable. There are times that we sow bad seed which reaps injurious consequences. But sometimes those consequences just happen to us whether we ask for them or not.
The Scripture is replete with men and women who dealt with this. John the Baptist rots in a dungeon wondering if he’s wasted his whole life. Hannah was so broken that she could not eat because God had closed her womb. Job is famous for living with an unanswered question; the conclusion of his story teaches us that pain is not always explained or alleviated.
Today many of us face similar trials. Prolonged and unexpected illness. What seemed like the perfect job opportunity falls through. The tragic loss of a child or loved one. The pain of a broken relationship that seemed destined for anything but fracture. We could each, I am sure, add to the list.
As I see it, there are two basic responses when I find myself in such a situation: bitter anger or blind trust. I can live for days, months, years in accusation of God and men for handing me an unfair deal. Sadly, many of us live our whole lives either medicating ourselves to ease the pain or pretending it’s not there. The harder road is blind trust. I am often confused, quiet, and weepy. I stumble around with a question mark in my life, unanswered, prodding at me like a thorn in my side. It just stays there, and it hurts, but if I choose to accept it all at once along with God’s goodness, over time my heart becomes sweet and soft.
In The Pilgrim’s Progress, a young boy named Matthew is faced with a question: “What do you do when you meet with such places therein that you do not understand?” His reply: “I think God is wiser than I.” Truly in our lives, the bitter must come before the sweet, but it makes the sweet the sweeter. Think about it.
Jeff your article is humbling. I do understand pain both emotional and physical and ask WHY. Old age is not for sissies!! ….. last Sunday was awesome the Holy Spirit filled the building……….. I send up prayers for Abbey and Jennifer. Blessings on you
love anni
Thanks for sharing Jeff. I tend to notice that I go through a few different stages when I get dealt a bad hand in life. First I go into denial, and try to convince myself that everything is fine. When I finally realise that everything is not fine, I become angry and/or frustrated. Eventually I figure out that my anger and frustration isn’t helping, and I just accept where I am at. Once I accept it, I am able to calmly move forward, and figure out how to deal with where I am at. I’m not always able to fix the situation, but I am able to at the very least give it over to God, and recognize all of the good that is in my life.
Its amazing to me how God can use the worst environments and situations to create some of his most powerful, and even more importantly– REAL — servants.
I find (frequently) that I have to be driven to my knees before I am humble enough and trusting enough to allow God to REALLY work in a situation. If I’m not forced to let go through a downhill series of uncontrollable things, then I seem to be fixing the situation – on my own power. I am still grateful that it WAS fixed, but not to the same point as if I were in a percieved helpless and impossible corner. God’s glory shines through both us and the situation when we give it up to Him (which, as I’ve also learned, is a great deal different than just giving up). I love to see how throughout the bible, God uses those weak, imperfect, and improbable vessels as often as the strong ones. And there is no question, in those situations, that it was God and not man who moved the earth.
WOW! I love this and this Jeremy Riddle song relates to this so well…..
God moves in a mysterious way
His Wonders to perform
He plants His Footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm
Deep in unsearchable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright Designs
And works His sovereign Will
And ye fearful saints fresh courage take
The clouds you so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break in blessings
Yeah (and) in blessings (yeah)
And in blessings on your head
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense
But trust Him for His Grace
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face
His Purposes will ripen fast
Unfolding ev’ry hour
The bud may have a bitter taste
But sweet will be the flow’r
Yeah
And ye fearful saints fresh courage take
The clouds you so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break in blessings
Yeah (and) in blessings (yeah)
And in blessings on your head
Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His Work in vain
For God is His own interpreter
And He will make it plain
In His own time
In His own way yes
In His own time
In His own way
When I was a young adult I lived in the response of… “I can live for days, months, years in accusation of God and men for handing me an unfair deal. Sadly, many of us live our whole lives either medicating ourselves to ease the pain or pretending it’s not there.”
I blamed my mom and my dad and my boyfriends and hated life! I used drugs and relationships to numb myself. Man, what a miserable girl.
Truly NOTHING is sweeter than God even the pain I feel now is sweeter than anything I knew before. I am not just saying that either. I truly HATED life. I can’t even express it as I felt it. I can’t even feel it like I once did.
I know struggles now. I still feel repercussions of the sin I once indulged in but I KNOW God has set me free and continues the work He began in me. I can’t wait to dance with Him on the streets that are gold!
I love Jesus so much!!!