Of Romance and Deer Hunting
Man get up early. Man put on special clothes. Man load gun. Man go into woods. Man climb up high. Man see deer with big antlers. Man kill deer. Man throw deer in Chevy. Man take off deer head. Man hang deer head on wall. Hunt over for man.
Described in the preceding paragraph we have the account of many a man. Put a lot of energy into hunting and killing a deer, then hang the trophy on the wall, a memory of a once-great adventure, occasionally given notice between channel surfing and home improvement projects.
Sadly, this is a parallel of the condition of many marriages. Familiarity gives way to neglect. Unless romance and preference are cultivated diligently, the woman that was once the sun rising in my morning becomes no more than a trophy on the wall, ignored and collecting dust. The hunt of love has ended; the chase of romance is over.
Are you married? When is the last time you chased your spouse? Told her she was beautiful? Showed him respect and admiration? When has a vase of fresh flowers filled your kitchen with fragrance? Too grown up for that, are you? Does she feel loved and cherished? Does he feel respected and appreciated? Did these feelings and practices die after the first year or two, crushed by the every-pressing business of life, sentenced to death by the selfishness lurking in your heart?
Most romances begin with an infatuation stage, a flurry of feelings and demonstrations of youthful love. But eventually, proximity to another person introduces us to their drama. Drama then calls us to a choice: will this relationship be about me being served, or me serving? The answer to this question reveals what kind of love is in my heart – love that only loves when I receive reward from giving it, or love that loves independent of the pleasure attached to it.
But he doesn’t love me back! She doesn’t appreciate me! People, what did you sign up for? Is this all the quality of your love – to only give when given to, to only return when rewarded, to only go the extra mile when you are first satisfied? Content with that? Fine, rot on your little island. David Brainerd describes this dichotomy accurately. “Love is a pleasing passion, it affords pleasure to the mind where it is; but yet, genuine love is not, nor can be placed, upon any object with that design of pleasure itself.”
Having said that, there is a sweet reward for loving unselfishly. I can attest after fourteen years of committed marriage that the fires of romance, fueled by weathering many storms in one another’s arms, have never burnt brighter.
May the flowers not wait until Valentine’s Day…may the special treatment not wait until her birthday…may my love for my wife be less of a memory and more of a chase.
After 25 years of marriage, as of November 17, YEAH, I can say one thing about our marriage… we are still chasing each other all the time. Over the 25 years we have been married we have jumped hurdles together, we have weathered storms and we have conquered the biggest of monsters, but most of all it was all done by WE… together we have made this marriage work with the help and love of our Lord. Together we have also always made time to be together!! We have raised three wonderful children, but two of them have already left home to be on their own and our daughter is 17 and will soon be going to college. When the children grow up and move on, you and your spouse are alone again…. don’t be left with a stranger!!
It takes three to make a marriage work… it takes you, your spouse and our Lord!
love each other with all your heart!
Thank you for posting this, Jeff. It is very encouraging and challenging.
This is quite a tribute to love in the matrimonially sense. A lot of people wonder why some marriages last 70 years and you summed it up nicely. Those trials are always there and will always be there. Not a one of us is good enough for each other with out the love and passion through God. Thanks for writing that. It’s something I have and will always strive for better on. Love is beyond just a commitment and it’s something that is welded together, it is beyond the emotion and life that we live. So, thanks for this. It kind of reminds me of the movie Fireproof. Really great weathering movie for couples. Well thanks again for your marks and have a great day.
Man smiles at this paragraph.
Women were created to be loved. Not to be controlled or put on the shelf after marriage. Men were created to rule over the animals over the land and women were made to help the men; not for one day or one week. For an entire life the two become a team. They support each other and they love/desire one another.
When two become married, they are each others to focus on each other and to rely on their happiness in the hard times, their skills in parenting and to love each other.
It is so hard to remember that when you are in love that you don’t get to sit back and relax. You have to, as you have said Jeff, “chase” the one you love. It is a key aspect of loving someone. To make that person worthy of being chased; to make them feel special and loved.